Here we are, about a week and a half in to our newly adapted hotel life. We are officially homeless and awaiting to hear about our financing from the bank so we can drive to Virginia and go pick up our HOW (Home On Wheels). Since April, life has pretty much been a very odd blur. Bitter sweet, ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses. Almost as if everything had been on pause. That we've been "holding on" until we get in the RV. And I know that is no way to live and that it's "wasting" our life, but it is hard to live in the moment every single moment when your living hotel to hotel with pets and kids, limited clothes, and figuring out what your going to do for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with restricted diets. Now by all mean this is not a rant post, but rather a "This Is What We Went Through"post.
We had our best case and worst case scenarios planned out so we knew what to expect. Now in your mind, your best case and worse case scenarios really aren't that bad. Our best case plan was being in a hotel for a few days, and then we would drive down, pick up our rig, and be on our way to the road less traveled.
Well... not so much. It's a cute thought really, but no.
The reality is that we are in fact in limbo with the bank and financing our big beauty (still working out the name for our RV) and waiting for all of our debt we paid off from selling the house to clear. While also waiting on our auto financing company to finish their updates so we can sell back our second car to the dealership. ::pause for a breath:: Not to mention the Tech has two sides jobs coming up next week and a work trip to Florida and we have no idea where we are going to be. So with all this going on, it's easy to get defeated and feel like the light you thought was at the end of the tunnel, was really just and usher with a flashlight telling you to keep going.
My general thoughts of selling everything and moving out of a brick and mortar into the unknown, are as many people who sell their home can agree, stressful. Making sure everything is perfect for open houses, and price negotiations, and inspections, appraisals, packing, etc. Add onto that, having to sell your "stuff". You know the things in the basement that you never go through but say you will one day. The things that you keep holding on to because you think you'll need it one day, and the things you love but you know you have to get rid of because you won't have room in a small space. This can be tough, really tough. But also it feels really good. I now know what matters most to me and what doesn't. Pieces of furniture I swore up and down I couldn't live without, somehow made its way onto Buy Sell Trade later. Letting go of stuff and keeping what mattered most (basically ALL kids artwork) was a wonderful feeling. I had a lot of help from my mom when we had a garage sale with all the things leftover from BST. We were actually able to use the money from the garage sale for closing costs on the house. Besides the garage sale, we had family come in and have what they wanted from the house that we weren't taking. Beds, tables, clothes, dishes, yard tools, etc. It felt good.
Now I'm sure some people are thinking "So were you ever sad at all?" The answer is of course. When the day came where we actually said goodbye to the house, It was sad. That was my first house I ever bought, that we bought together. That was the house where the girls learned to ride their bikes without training wheels, where our oldest lost her first teeth, first days of riding a school bus. Where we had birthdays, anniversaries, hosted friends, campfires, and holidays. But those were memories I was remembering and missing. It had nothing to do with the house itself. So yes, I was sad, but not entirely. Now if you're looking for a blog to tell you I threw myself on my bed and sobbed like a Disney princess with mascara drooling out of my eyes, this isn't it. I was sad, yes. But its hard to be sad about something you didn't have your whole heart into. And it wasn't until we decided to make this new chapter for our family that I realized...
I was never whole hearted living.
Meaning I was never comfortable in that house, or anywhere for that matter. I was always one foot out of the door. Waiting for something else and then one day, I found what I was waiting for. No this life isn't for everyone. And that's ok. It's when you find what truly makes you happy and content, that's when, in my opinion, you really start to know yourself.
If I was to sum up into one word, my over all feeling of this whole experience from selling to hotel life, it would be optimistic. Weird right? This is the first time in my life that even when I feel the most defeated, and unsure about the future, that I still feel happy and positive. But I think that when you set a goal, something that you want more than anything, something you dream about day and night and give it your all, no matter how hard the road is to get there, the juice is worth the squeeze. And it is the sweetest juice ever.
- The Hippie